Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Suicidal Marketing 5.0 Urban Bean Coffee Shops

     I always enjoy posting the decisions of small and large business that are destined to be a financial disaster.  Suicidal Marketing 5.0 is another great example of taking a perfectly good business and running it into the ground in a short period of time.  Most of this suicidal marketing is regarding homosexual and LGBT issues.  Most people are heterosexuals (the horror!!) and they don't give a rat's ass about homos, queers, Rump Rangers, Fudge Packers, lesbian, or transgenders (genital mutilators.)  In this case, Urban Bean Coffee Shop  is angry at Donald Trump calling him a "moron" and they are requesting that if anyone is a Trump supporter, they should take their business elsewhere as they don't want their money.  And I'm sure this is exactly what's going to happen.  I'll give them about 6 months and they should be filing bankruptcy.

Excellent example of Suicidal Marketing
     One of the first things you want to do when you have a perfectly good business but would like to commit financial suicide is to piss off  your customers.  There are many ways to do this but one of the sure-fire ways would be to shove LGBT or homosexual issues down your customers' collective throats.  Since the homos are only a small portion of the population, it only makes sense that the demographics in the Minnesota are are the same as the whole nation.  Which means that this company has the potential of completely pissing off over 90% of their customers.  This is masterful suicidal marketing.  If I wanted to screw up my own business, this would be a perfect way of doing it.

Another examples of Suicidal Marketing
     JC Penney's had done a wonderful job of screwing up the company.  And they did it with the homosexual spokes dyke Ellen Degeneres (French for degenerate) who joined the company in early 2012 with the stock price at around $42.00 per share.  Many people objected to her and the homo lifestyle depicted in their advertising.  As a result, the stock price as of this writing (06/14/16) at $8.05 per share.)  This kind of suicidal marketing don't get no better than dis.  If my math is correct that is an 80% decline in the stock price.  You can't have a better example and JC Penney's has done the best job of suicidal marketing so far.
     But then there is Target Stores.  They decided that transgender people could use the bathroom in whatever gender they consider themselves to be.  Now, notice that transgender populations are even smaller than the homos yet Target manages to piss off their customer base with this nonsense. The stock price when they announced this policy was around $81.00 per share.  It is now quoted at $66.74 per share.  That's a whopping 17% drop in the value of the stock in just under two months.  That's an estimated $10 billion loss of value to their stock shares.  I'm sure their major stock holders are thrilled with the management.

Politics and religion don't belong in the business environment
     People are always going to have different opinions on any issue, but I think it is foolish to attempt to push of political beliefs on the customers.  Granted, Urban Bean is just a small company, but the same principle is still in effect; pissing off the customer.  They may have great coffee but this little chain has a lot of competition.  I think it is stupid and dangerous for company management to delve into the political realm by chasing off customers by saying that they don't what Trump supporter's money.  In this case, Trump supporters are the back door into the homosexual movement and Islamophobia.  The natural economic law will take over as customers will take their business elsewhere.

     If you are an idiot and you enjoy losing money and putting your workers out of a job, then the Suicidal Marketing is for you.  Remember, the most important thing to do is to anger your customers and put them in a frenzy so that they will go over to your competition.  Making money is so overrated and with the Suicidal Marketing scheme in place, you will be guaranteed to be a failure and screw up your worker's jobs.

Walter Allen Thompson has a new book called Natural Law: The True Supreme Law of the Land


  1. Haha right again, love your direct to the point no sugar coating posts. Thanks for another great read.

  2. AnonymousJune 17, 2016

    With regard to JC Penney, that company was swirling around the toilet long before they hired Ellen. I assume that the average shopper at a JC Penney store is older and more on the socially conservative side, so having a lesbian spokesperson is a poor idea for the company.

    However, the company was already in serious trouble prior to this marketing mistake. JC Penney has been clinging on much longer than I had ever thought possible. Even before the Ellen nonsense, the top executives of that company have seemingly had no interest in changing anything to stay competitive. I cannot imagine the company will exist in any form, online or otherwise in 5 years. But then again, I thought that 5 years ago. I'm surprised they didn't go under near the time Montgomery Wards did. I worked for both stores simultaneously over 15 years ago. They were both terrible back then. Walked through a JC Penney last week actually. Awful experience. Huge store, pallets everywhere, customers nowhere to be seen.