I used to ask God: "What am I missing?" If someone is mad at me my first reaction was to double-check myself just to make sure I didn't do anything to provoke her. However, the problem is that there was no one who could help me. The shrinks are useless and so I tried to use some common sense. I could never figure it out. Why was I getting unprovoked attacks? And even now, I only have one thing that I think could explain this. I'm going to post the whole part of the writing from the Shepherd of Hermas that deals with anger. If women could recognize the problem before it gets out of control, I think relationships between men and women would greatly improve. This will be from Mandate #5.
1:1 "Be thou long-suffering and understanding," he saith, "and thou shalt have the mastery over all evil deeds, and shalt work all righteousness.
1:2 For if thou art long-suffering, the Holy Spirit that abideth in thee shall be pure, not being darkened by another evil spirit, but dwelling in a large room shall rejoice and be glad with the vessel in which he dwelleth, and shall serve God with much cheerfulness, having prosperity in himself.
1:3 But if any angry temper approach, forthwith the Holy Spirit, being delicate, is straitened, not having [the] place clear, and seeketh to retire from the place; for he is being choked by the evil spirit, and has no room to minister unto the Lord, as he desireth, being polluted by angry temper. For the Lord dwelleth in long-suffering, but the devil in angry temper.
1:4 Thus that both the spirits then should be dwelling together is inconvenient and evil for that man in whom they dwell.
1:5 For if you take a little wormwood, and pour it into a jar of honey, is not the whole of the honey spoiled, and all that honey ruined by a very small quantity of wormwood? For it destroyeth the sweetness of the honey, and it no longer hath the same attraction for the owner, because it is rendered bitter and hath lost its use. But if the wormwood be not put into the honey, the honey is found sweet and becomes useful to its owner.
1:6 Thou seest [then] that long-suffering is very sweet, beyond the sweetness of honey, and is useful to the Lord, and He dwelleth in it. But angry, temper is bitter and useless. If then angry temper be mixed with long-suffering, long-suffering is polluted and the man's intercession is no longer useful to God."
1:7 "I would fain know, Sir," say I, "the working of angry temper, that I may guard myself from it." "Yea, verily," saith he, "if thou guard not thyself from it--thou and thy family--thou hast lost all thy hope. But guard thyself from it; for I am with thee. Yea, and all men shall hold aloof from it, as many as have repented with their whole heart. For I will be with them and will preserve them; for they all were justified by the most holy angel.
2:1 "Hear now," saith he, "the working of angry temper, how evil it is, and how it subverteth the servants of God by its own working, and how it leadeth them astray from righteousness. But it doth not lead astray them that are full in the faith, nor can it work upon them, because the power of the Lord is with them; but them that are empty and double-minded it leadeth astray.
2:2 For when it seeth such men in prosperity it insinuates itself into the heart of the man, and for no cause whatever the man or the woman is embittered on account of worldly matters, either about meats, or some triviality, or about some friend, or about giving or receiving, or about follies of this kind. For all these things are foolish and vain and senseless and inexpedient for the servants of God.
2:3 But long-suffering is great and strong, and has a mighty and vigorous power, and is prosperous in great enlargement, gladsome, exultant, free from care, glorifying the Lord at every season, having no bitterness in itself, remaining always gentle and tranquil. This long-suffering therefore dwelleth with those whose faith is perfect.
2:4 But angry temper is in the first place foolish, fickle and senseless; then from foolishness is engendered bitterness, and from bitterness wrath, and from wrath anger, and from anger spite; then spite being composed of all these evil elements becometh a great sin and incurable.
2:5 For when all these spirits dwell in one vessel, where the Holy Spirit also dwelleth, that vessel cannot contain them, but overfloweth.
2:6 The delicate spirit therefore, as not being accustomed to dwell with an evil spirit nor with harshness, departeth from a man of that kind, and seeketh to dwell with gentleness and tranquillity.
2:7 Then, when it hath removed from that man, in whom it dwells, that man becometh emptied of the righteous spirit, and henceforward, being filled with the evil spirits, he is unstable in all his actions, being dragged about hither and thither by the evil spirits, and is altogether blinded and bereft of his good intent. Thus then it happeneth to all persons of angry temper.
2:8 Refrain therefore from angry temper, the most evil of evil spirits. But clothe thyself in long-suffering, and resist angry temper and bitterness, and thou shalt be round in company with the holiness which is beloved of the Lord. See then that thou never neglect this commandment; for if thou master this commandment, thou shalt be able likewise to keep the remaining commandments, which I am about to give thee. Be strong in them and endowed with power; and let all be endowed with power, as many as desire to walk in them."
1:1 I charged thee," saith he, "in my first commandment to guard faith and fear and temperance." "Yes, Sir," say I. "But now," saith he, "I wish to show thee their powers also, that thou mayest understand what is the power and effect of each one of them. For their effects are two fold. Now they are prescribed alike to the righteous and the unrighteous.
1:2 Do thou therefore trust righteousness, but trust not unrighteousness; for the way of righteousness is straight, but the way of unrighteousness is crooked. But walk thou in the straight [and level] path, and leave the crooked one alone.
1:3 For the crooked way has no tracks, but only pathlessness and many stumbling stones, and is rough and thorny. So it is therefore harmful to those who walk in it.
1:4 But those who walk in the straight way walk on the level and without stumbling: for it is neither rough nor thorny. Thou seest then that it is more expedient to walk in this way."
1:5 "I am pleased, Sir," say I, "to walk in this way." "Thou shalt walk," he saith, "yea, and whosoever shall turn unto the Lord with his whole heart shall walk in it.
2:1 "Hear now," saith he, "concerning faith. There are two angels with a man, one of righteousness and one of wickedness."
2:2 "How then, Sir," say I, "shall I know their workings, seeing that both angels dwell with me?"
2:3 "Hear," saith he, "and understand their workings. The angel of righteousness is delicate and bashful and gentle and tranquil. When then this one enters into thy heart, forthwith he speaketh with thee of righteousness, of purity, of holiness, and of contentment, of every righteous deed and of every glorious virtue. When all these things enter into thy heart, know that the angel of righteousness is with thee. [These then are the works of the angel of righteousness.] Trust him therefore and his works.
2:4 Now see the works of the angel of wickedness also. First of all, he is quick tempered and bitter and senseless, and his works are evil, overthrowing the servants of God. Whenever then he entereth into thy heart, know him by his works."
2:5 "How I shall discern him, Sir," I reply, "I know not." Listen," saith he. "When a fit of angry temper or bitterness comes upon thee, know that he is in thee. Then the desire of much business and the costliness of many viands and drinking bouts and of many drunken fits and of various luxuries which are unseemly, and the desire of women, and avarice, and haughtiness and boastfulness, and whatsoever things are akin and like to these--when then these things enter into thy heart, know that the angel of wickedness is with thee.
2:6 Do thou therefore, recognizing his works, stand aloof from him, and trust him in nothing, for his works are evil and inexpedient for the servants of God. Here then thou hast the workings of both the angels. Understand them, and trust the angel of righteousness.
2:7 But from the angel of wickedness stand aloof, for his teaching is evil in every matter; for though one be a man of faith, and the desire of this angel enter into his heart, that man, or that woman, must commit some sin.
2:8 And if again a man or a woman be exceedingly wicked, and the works of the angel of righteousness come into that man's heart, he must of necessity do something good.
2:9 Thou seest then," saith he, "that it is good to follow the angel of righteousness, and to bid farewell to the angel of wickedness.
2:10 This commandment declareth what concerneth faith, that thou mayest trust the works of the angel of righteousness, and doing them mayest live unto God. But believe that the works of the angel of wickedness are difficult; so by not doing them thou shalt live unto God."
I cannot explain it any better than this, and I was delighted when I found this writing, which was removed from use early in early "Christian" church history. This is a remarkable writing and I have made it available here. While the title of this article is a bit rough, it does show how a woman and even a man can go from lovey-dovey to hell-on-earth in just a few seconds. These kinds of exchanges will ultimately ruin what would otherwise be a good relationship. Women seem to be more susceptible to flame throwing. So, ladies, before you call your husband a bastard, moron, idiot, or some other unseemly word, try to stand aloof from the anger and just let it pass. If you consciously look out for this problem, you'll be able to defeat it every time. This temptation by a demon is a spiritual problem and it needs to be dealt with in a spiritual manner. My way of dealing with anger like this is to repeat the commandments. The idea behind it is that an evil spirit cannot stand to listen to the commandments, and flees the scene. There are probably some other ways to do this, but I know this works so I don't need anything else; it hasn't failed me once.
Men what this from their women:
Defeating Evil: Suppressing Anger
Walter Allen Thompson is the author of The Grace of Repentance: Keeping God's Commandments