Friday, December 14, 2012

Musings of a Text-tard

Updated 12/12/15

My Definition of Text-tard

  1. A person who has an unrelenting obsession with sending text messages to the extent that it affects their personality.
  2. One who walks the public streets, shopping malls, and drives reading and sending texts.  You know who you are so don't try to deny it.  You would look like a complete idiot, but it seems that almost everyone else is doing  it too.
  3. Will interrupt personal conversations with live people to answer some other text-tard's message.
  4. Someone who sends texts while driving--endangering anyone within a 100 mile radius of the car.  Depending upon how bad the accident is it would appear that no amount of potential carnage will stop a text-tard from sending the next message.  If only those pedestrians had stayed off the sidewalk! I've seen drunk drivers do a better job driving than a text-tard.
     I remember when I left prison in August of 2009 (violating a law that doesn't exist)  and as I walked the streets I couldn't believe my eyes.  I saw a lot of people just walking around with their cell phones and staring at them as if they were navigation instruments.  I really wasn't up to speed as I had been out of circulation for 60 months. When I got to the half-way-house, the clerk who was checking me in was constantly on her phone.  I first thought it was a part of their intake system.  I realized that she was actually screwing around with her friends while I sat there doing nothing.  I didn't remember if text messaging was around much in 2004 but it sure got quite popular over the years.
     When I was staying with my son, one day I needed to speak with him before I left.  As a courtesy, I knocked on his bedroom door and he didn't answer.  I thought it was odd and I tried the door--it was locked.  So, doing the only obvious thing I could, I sent him a text message, and true to his status as a text-tard he answered me right away.  Wow!  If I want the attention of someone, I can send them a text.  Why bother addressing the kid in person when I can just send him a text.  So I found myself becoming a bit of a text-tard myself.  You know the saying; if you can't beat them......
     Recently, I was having lunch with the same son, and we're sitting down at the table.  Now, I have to drive 50 miles one way to visit him, which means that it will cost me a least $15.00 in gas plus another $10-$15.00 for the lunch.  So for around $25.00 I can go out with my son and watch him with this stupid grin on his face texting God-knows-who.  I have to ask myself: Is this worth $25.00 and two hours of driving time to come and visit him?  He's a nice kid, but somehow I get the feeling that it would be better just to stay home, keep the $25.00 which would pay for a round of golf with a cart, avoid a two hour drive, and send him a text.  I would get more conversation that way than going out to lunch with him.
     Here's what I find interesting about being a text messaging.  Let's say you want to text someone.  So, I send a text and ask: "How are you today?"  I know that I've gotten on someone's nerves if they don't answer me within an hour or so.  If someone is really disgusted with me, I'll never get back an answer. What usually happens with me is that they must start feeling guilty by not responding, so I'll get a text maybe two weeks later and the conversation continues as if nothing else ever happened.  Then, when you're done sending texts, you just stop.  You don't say, Goodbye, see you later, hope to see you soon-- you just stop texting them as if you just dropped dead.  This is high tech?
     This has to be a recipe for disjointed relationships.  There is a beginning but no definite end.  Or, on the other hand, there's an end but no real beginning.  I may have started a conversation maybe two weeks ago, and now I'm getting back an answer.  But that time, I forgot why I texted that person in the first place. Once I remember, it really doesn't matter anymore.  I find it to be a strange way of communication.
     To be fair, I can also see the benefits of being a text-tard.  If someone wants to come over a visit me I can tell them to stop by or stay away.  And I don't have interrupt what I was doing for very long.  This gives me some time to clean up my mess in the house before someone comes over.  If I just need to send a short message to someone, I can readily do it with my phone.
     I'm not saying that being a text-tard is bad; it is just different.   When I pay my cell phone bill, it sends me a text telling me that I just paid my bill.  I already knew that....I just did it.  The really cool part about it is getting my bank balance.  Before I go and spend my money, I can double check my balance first. Good thing it's there because my account may have been debited due to a recurring charge on my card I started a two years ago.  This is really Dick Tracy stuff.  I don't do Twaddle or Schmuckbook so I'm not aware of all of those possibilities.
     Between emails and texting,  I'm thinking I don't have to deal with people much anymore.  Just send them a text and everything is coming up roses.
     Oh, I can also just let my spelling go down the toilet.  I can text things like: r u going to the store?  Think of all the keystrokes that will be saved by writing r u.  The one I like is: lol.  I know I've made someone happy when I get back an lol.  Maybe along with an: r u crazy lol.  My favorite is: ROFLMAO.  I'm not going to write that one out as most of you know what it means and this is a family blog.  Oh, consider the smiley faces!  They're so cute.  The problem is that I keep staring at the stupid things trying to figure out if there is a soul in the images that move.
     I sure hope they don't make these things for our pets.  You know how annoying it would be for my dogs to start texting each other from one room to the other.  Spot: "Hey, Angel, don't poop in the bedroom anymore."  Angel: "Spot, mind your own business, he ain't looking.  He thinks I'm so cute that he won't do anything."  The dogs in the neighborhood could all conspire together and start barking all at once at 3:00am in the morning demanding better living conditions.  The possibilities are endless.  What would really get my goat would be if the texting dogs got that stupid grin on their faces while they are becoming text-tards.  Let's hope that never happens.


  1. I never got the whole texting thing. I'll send one to my brother if I'm flying in and I have a gate and/or arrival time change; in instances like those, it's useful. However, for anything more than a short message like that, it's just easier to talk to the person.